Repression
by Samaster
Summary: This is the day that Ryan's life is ruined and his heart is broken by the one man that could have done that to him, Troy Bolton. Onesided Tryan so slash , Troypay.


Repression.

The day starts and I can barely bring myself to face it, I see your picture by my bedside and I manage to crawl out of my Egyptian cotton cocoon of bed sheets. I start the laborious one and a half hour task to make myself as perfect as I can for you, obviously never being able to compare to your absolute beauty. I sometimes think to myself why I do this but then I look at that picture again and my heart leaps.

I'm driven to school by my favourite twin sister in her pink convertible marked "SE"; my sister always was one for attention, she always wanted everyone to know that she had arrived. Her presence is made obvious as we pull up outside our kingdom (ruled by my sister the ice princess), East High.

Making our grand entrance through the schools front doors, past the crowd of students gathered in their respective cliques, I spot you standing there surrounded by your many worshippers. It's hard to fight down the emotion that comes to my throat when I see a girl at your side, stroking your luscious light brown locks and kissing your perfect pink lips, but I manage to repress it just like so many other emotions I fight with daily. I put on my well rehearsed façade as I walk by, waving my hand discreetly in your direction, doubting you even noticed.

The bell rings and we are forced to go to homeroom. I sit at the desk next to my sister, directly behind you. I gaze at the back of your head, imagining what would happen if I just reached out and ran my hands through that gorgeous, perfect hair; I imagine you turning around, cupping my face and pulling you towards me in a tender and passionate kiss. You turn around and look at me and my imagination goes wild, replaying that image once again in my head, but instead you just drop a note on my desk. My curiosity gets the better of me and I unfold the note with amazing speed. I read the note and it tells me to meet you in the music room at lunch. Once again my mind starts racing with fantasies and I drift off into daydreams for what must have been the remainder of homeroom as the bell rings pulling me back into reality.

The rest of the day passes way too slowly, it's absolute torture and my vivid daydreams only add to it. Finally the bell rings to signal lunch and I run to the music room to see that you are already there. I open the door slowly, trying to play it cool… unsuccessfully; I've never been able to play anything cool in my life, but I just want this moment, this life changing moment, to be perfect. You smile at me and I awkwardly try to make myself speak, embarrassingly stuttering my words.

After a while you get to the point. You tell me that the reason you asked me here was that you have something you need to do, but you have no idea how to do it. I try to tell you that it's ok and that you can talk to me and it seems to work as you start talking about someone that you've wanted to be with for a long time. I try to contain myself as I know that I shouldn't give it away that I know exactly what is going on. You pause and look away, muttering something incoherent. I ask you to repeat and you look me in the eyes. You speak to me slowly, softly.

"Ryan, I really am in love… please could you talk to your sister and at least find out if she's interested."

My mind stops and my whole body goes numb. Time seems to stop. A flood of emotions that I have suppressed for so long crash over me: intense rage, extreme depression, excruciating pain. I don't know what else to do so I run out of the room before I get the chance to break down in front of you, my love, the man I've loved since the moment I met him.

It's miles to my home but my anger keeps me running until at last I arrive home. I run to my room, bury my face into my pillow and scream with all of my strength, tears running down my face and staining the expensive material of my bed spread. That moment was supposed to be the moment when my life began. How pathetic am I, once again falling for someone who couldn't possibly love me back; who was I kidding that someone as perfect as you would ever love someone like me.

Troy Bolton, you are the one who had my heart and could do with it what you wanted, but he chose to throw it away like garbage. Well if that's what you choose then I choose to do the exact same to you. I destroy every trace of you in this room; every photo, every gift, everything. I finally come to the picture on my bedside. You and I stand at the party from last summer, your arm slung around my shoulder and both of us soaking wet from falling into the pool together. This picture made my heart leap at a single glance but now it only makes my heart fill with sadness… a sadness now too painful to bare. I take the picture from its place on the night stand and throw it hard against the wall, shattering the glass just as you shattered my heart.

The End.

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AN: Ok this is probably absolute crap but I really don't care at all. This is what happens when I vent emotions lol, I write (and very often it is crap), but I wrote most of this in a state of all the emotions Ryan feels in this story. Incase it wasn't very clear Ryan is a representation of me and the inspiration for Troy is something I won't get into right now, I've already bared my soul to all of you lol so I think that's enough.

Thanks for reading.

Much love,

Samuel x


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